Realistic expectations can help us to be happier.
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п»ї<title>Realistic expectations can help us to be happier.</title>
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Applying more realistic expectations does not imply, far from it, being pessimistic. It implies making use of a more open approach in which, even taking into account any possibility, one focuses on the best, taking into account one's own capabilities and circumstances. It is to place oneself in an intermediate horizon in which to aspire to the best, but without being grandiloquent, without drifting into the impossible.
It is true that most of us would agree with this reasoning. However, the truth is that 99% of us unconsciously build unrealistic expectations. In our minds we build different futures about what we would like our work, relationships, projects to be like... And, let's face it, those house of cards are very ambitious.
Realizing the unsustainability of many of these ideas is a principle of mental health. This will help us, among other things, to stop waiting for others to be and act the way we want them to. It will also help us to envision a clearer future in which to prepare ourselves in capabilities, resources and motivations to achieve more realistic, but still rewarding, goals.
Let's understand how to achieve this psychological approach that will undoubtedly mediate a little more of our happiness.
David de Meza of the London School of Economics and Chris Dawson of the University of Bath conducted an interesting study between 1991 and 2009. The objective was none other than to understand the impact of expectations on the population.
To do this, they followed 1601 people in the United Kingdom to find out how their lives had gone over that period of time in different areas, such as finances, work and relationships, and what kind of influence personal expectations could have on them.
The first aspect they could see is that it is no use being pessimistic or optimistic about the future if you have unrealistic expectations. Thinking that tomorrow is going to be "very bad" or telling oneself that "fate will give me everything I want" does not mediate happiness or well-being.
The pessimist, for example, prepares himself for the worst without knowing that this state of mind causes stress, anxiety and the inability to appreciate the positive things that may be happening around him. In fact, this study showed that they suffered 37.2% more psychological distress.
On the other hand, the optimist who applies unrealistic expectations (or what Jean Piaget once defined as magical thinking) ends up experiencing progressive frustration. However, in between the pessimist and the naГЇve positive, there is the more adjusted position of the one who makes use of realistic expectations. Let us understand why this mental approach, and no other, is related to happiness.
To be realistic is not to be pessimistic: it is to have a coping planOften, when we say that a person is realistic, the first thing we think is that he or she tends to that cold objectivity in which is also integrated, certain doses of negativism. This is not true.
Those who make use of realistic expectations are aware of their current situation, possibilities and resources. It starts from this to define plans to be prepared for whatever happens.
It takes into account both the good opportunities that may arise and the adversities that may occur. The realistic profile always has a coping plan.
I do not aspire to perfection, I hope to always do my bestA way to gain in mental health and even happiness is not to aspire to perfection. Waiting for everything that happens, that we do or that we achieve to conform to our ideals of absolute perfection is a form of suffering.
The most appropriate thing to do when it comes to expectations is to focus them primarily on ourselves. "I expect to do things to the best of my ability, I am aware of my current resources and possibilities and, within them, I will try to do my best."
On the other hand, and with regard to realistic expectations, it is advisable not to place all our happiness on other people's shoulders. Sometimes, we expect everything from our partner, our children and family and when we see that certain things do not happen as we expect, we end up despairing. It is not the right thing to do. Let's free ourselves from this approach.
Realistic expectations: life is not always the way you want it to be, but it can be wonderful.
Much of our false expectations stem from a sense of lack and a lack of self-knowledge. "I long for what I don't have, what I lack and would like to achieve, but in reality, I am not aware of my current possibilities, of what I have and what surrounds me." The yearning to achieve what we dream of is often based on shifting sands and not on solid pillars.
I cannot dream of an exceptional job if I have no training, nor of having the house of my dreams if right now, all I do is sit on the sofa making castles in the air. It is not enough to wish, we must act by being aware of ourselves and our surroundings.
Realistic expectations take into account all options, the good and the bad. It also focuses mainly on those aspects over which we do have control and not so much on what is out of our hands. On the other hand, it is assumed and understood that many times life does not go as one wishes.
However, despite the difficulties, the twists of fate and even adversity, one can take advantage of many things and be happy. It is all a matter of perspective, of attitudes, and the more realistic we are, the more we will gain in mental health.
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