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The consequences of indifference
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п»ї<title>The consequences of indifference</title>
<img src=" lamenteesmaravillosa.com/wp-content/uplo...endo-indiferente.jpg ">.
Indifference is a neutral affective state. We usually define an indifferent person as someone who "neither feels nor suffers". It is a feeling that keeps the person who has this condition on the sidelines. However, when we receive a claw of indifference from someone, its claws produce painful wounds.
To think of someone as indifferent is to attribute to them a series of adjectives that have little or nothing to do with the ideal of a virtuous person. Indifference is associated with insensitivity, detachment or coldness. It is these characteristics that are presupposed to be contrary to the social condition that we human beings have and that causes us to relate to one another.
"Sometimes indifference and coldness do more harm than outright dislike."
-JK Rowling
Being indifferent implies that "nothing matters to us". That we feel nothing about a situation or a person, that "we don't care about anything". Even if we are sure that this is so, we should ask ourselves if it is possible to isolate our emotions in this way. In reality, when we are indifferent towards something or someone, what we are doing is moving closer to or further away from that person or circumstance.
Indifference hurts
Life is full of moments and circumstances in which choosing to be indifferent is not always the best thing to do. We may care more or less, but we can never stop feeling. It is a resource that allows us to choose some stimuli to feel them or simply to push them away from us. Therefore, absolute indifference is never possible.
Popular wisdom says that appearing to be indifferent is the hardest response, even when you expect little. It has been proven that when we show it, this attitude is one of the most aggressive and painful we can project. Showing indifference to someone implies that you are withdrawing all your feelings, that they do not exist for you. Is there anything more cruel?
"The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. The opposite of beauty is not ugliness, it is indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it is indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, but indifference between life and death."
-Elie Wiesel
For this very reason they say that the opposite of love is not hatred, but indifference. Because there is nothing worse than to give a person exactly the same. That seeing you happy or sad is the same thing. This hurts a lot if it is someone close, a partner, a family member, a parent ....
This indifference breaks our expectations about those people we thought would be there. However, instead of finding support, we find nothing. Sometimes we even prefer to receive an unpleasant word because we interpret it as meaning that the other person still cares about us. But when we do not receive even a sign, we feel that we no longer matter.
Therefore, when we are victims of indifference the discomfort experienced translates into:
Bewilderment and uneasiness. Even if we have low expectations, we always expect something from others. Therefore, when they are indifferent to us, we feel unstructured.
Low self-esteem and personal insecurity. Since indifference makes us understand that we are too little to generate a response in others.
Anxiety, having to decipher what the other feels or thinks.
Feeling of loneliness.
Confronting indifferenceAs we have already said, indifference brings suffering to the one who feels it, generating unbearable tensions and confusion. That is why it is necessary to face it. The first step is to try a gradual approach to the other person to let him/her know how his/her attitude affects us.
There may not be an immediate response, but it is advisable to be patient, it is not good to close oneself off. Sometimes a period of reflection leads the other person to take the expected step. Or perhaps you can look for someone to play the role of mediator. However, sometimes we may not get the rapprochement we are looking for. In that case the best thing to do is to accept what is happening. Obsession with someone's indifference can lead to very unpleasant moments.
"The worst sin towards our fellow men is not to hate them, but to treat them with indifference: that is the essence of inhumanity."
-George Bernard Shaw
ImpermanenceWhen we accept indifference, we have to start looking at the horizon with the idea that we will not always matter to others as we would like to. Although it is a painful process, thinking about it will help us to know that our happiness cannot depend on just one person. If they decide to be indifferent to us, forcing them to pay attention to us is not the best option. Better to learn to let go.
When you come to the conclusion that the other person has no intention of changing their behavior, the best thing to do is to distance yourself. You can always find other people who do value you and support you. In this way, we will have understood the Buddhist concept of impermanence, that is, everything changes: whoever is your friend today may not be your friend tomorrow. If we integrate this into our daily practice, it will be easier for us to live with another person's indifference.
A means of protectionBut indifference is not always negative. It is also a defense mechanism, and we cling to it in order not to suffer continuous disappointments in the face of life's vicissitudes. "Keeping to ourselves" or "not expecting anything from anything or anyone" is a way of protecting ourselves. In this case, indifference would be more than a passive act, it would be the active act of accepting whatever may happen. Being open to a world of possibilities and accepting that one event can happen like another.
If we did not have the capacity to resort to neutrality, if we had to give a negative or positive response to every stimulus we receive, we would end up exhausted. Therefore, the key is not to expect anything, in this way, by opening ourselves to all possibilities, everything is welcome. If it is positive, perfect; if it is negative, the best we can do is turn it into a learning experience.
"Aggressive words don't hurt so much. Prolonged silences hurt more."
-Anonymous-
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The "almost psychopaths", according to Dr. Ronald Schouten
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п»ї<title>The "almost psychopaths", according to Dr. Ronald Schouten</title>
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Psychiatrist Ronald Schouten has proposed the category of "near psychopaths" to define those who meet several diagnostic criteria, but do not meet important characteristics of the typical psychopath. Under this name are grouped those who have not received a clinical diagnosis, do not commit crimes, but do have antisocial behaviors.
According to Dr. Ronald Schouten, "near psychopaths" often cause more harm than those diagnosed in that category. This is because they are better camouflaged and more adapted, but at the same time they become as destructive as a criminal psychopath.
In this regard, Ronald Schouten published the book Almost a Psychopath. The subject has aroused great interest because it is clear that there are many people who fit into that classification and are in positions of power or are frequently encountered in everyday life.
"If you suspect that the person next to you is a near psychopath, talk to someone or ask for help. Then you can decide the next step."
-Ronald Schouten
The "near psychopath "The defining characteristics of "near psychopaths" are present at the behavioral, affective, and interpersonal levels. From the behavioral point of view, this type of person is characterized by being impulsive and irresponsible. They have no problem transgressing rules and their social life is unstable. They have parasitic and unplanned behaviors.
On the affective level, "near psychopaths" rarely if ever experience feelings of guilt, anxiety or remorse. Their capacity for empathy, if they have any, is minimal. They experience feelings in a very superficial way and find it very difficult to establish lasting bonds with other people and even with goals or ideas.
On the interpersonal level they stand out for their egocentrism and arrogance. They are endowed with a lot of energy, usually have great charm and are dominant with others. They often instrumentalize the people around them and think more about manipulating others than establishing a bond with them.
Psychopaths and "near psychopaths "Generally speaking, what characterizes a psychopath is the fact that they exhibit extreme antisocial behaviors. It is important to say that most people are, to a greater or lesser extent, liars or manipulators. However, such behaviors arise only sporadically and usually in very specific circumstances.
Meanwhile, psychopaths and "near psychopaths" engage in this type of behavior on a continuous basis. In fact, they do not conceive of the concept of "other": for them, other people are instruments, not equals. Among the traits that characterize psychopaths are the following:
Above-average intelligence and great personal charm.
Apparently balanced behaviors and verbal ability.
No hallucinations or delusional thoughts.
Lack of sense of responsibility, insincerity and falsehood.
Sudden impulsivity and difficulty to evaluate and learn from lived experiences.
Unexplained episodes of rude and vulgar behavior, especially when drinking alcohol.
Threats of suicide that are not carried out.
Those already pointed out: egocentrism, arrogance, manipulation, poor emotions, difficulty in planning and sticking to plans, etc.
What then differentiates psychopaths from "near psychopaths"? In general, the use of physical violence and criminal behaviors themselves. The former have no limits whatsoever. The latter generate victims on the emotional rather than the physical level.
What to do in the face of "almost psychopaths": We do not usually encounter textbook psychopaths. On the other hand, the chances of encountering an "almost psychopath" are very high. In today's world there are many people who fall into this category, as they tend to be very successful and society rarely questions success.
It is very difficult for "near psychopaths" to seek a change in their behavior. Their characteristics make them see themselves as "above average" people. Likewise, they do not carry guilt or deep feelings of pain, so they hardly recognize that they need help.
Their victims are often dazzled by the great virtues of these people, such as charm and intelligence. Likewise, they are often reluctant to admit that they are in front of someone with antisocial traits, since they are under the intoxication of their manipulations. They often minimize the harm they are being subjected to.
If you notice that you are close to someone who fits the classification of "near psychopaths", the first step is to protect yourself. Establish limits and make explicit the basis of the relationship you want to maintain, so that he/she cannot use the excuse that he/she did not know where the limits were when he/she considered going beyond them.
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